Zombie Preparation Part II

In wake of the Zombie Preparation Part I, I decided to expand and outline some transportation options and stealthy mean for dealing with those pesky zombies.

Everyone knows I am a fan of everything of anything with wheels…one to eighteen…I love them all. I am lucky enough to be the owner of a few cars, trucks and motorcycles and love my mountain bike and beach cruisers.

When the zombies attack you will have to make a decision: get out town quick or sneak away slow. Here are my picks.

Get out town quick starts with the Conquest Knight XV. The Knight XV defines the future of the ultra-luxurious, handcrafted fully armored SUV. This one-of-a-kind, V10, 6.8-litre, Bio-fuel powered SUV was inspired by military vehicle designs and features security appointments that are unrivaled in today's SUV marketplace. The vehicle is built on a super duty specially modified F550 Ford chassis platform (making parts and service easily accessible globally). Complete with a Ford, V10, 6.8-litre gas engine with E-85 Ethanol Conversion system added, (referring to as Flex Fuel engine) Flexible fuel vehicles (FFVs) are designed to run on gasoline or a blend of up to 85% ethanol (E85). The diesel engine is also available as an option with 400 HP and 500 ft lbs. torque (approximately). The vehicle comes fully armored in accordance with H.P White’s Ballistic Laboratory Inc.’s Quality Control, the leader in defense testing armor.

Not only is it fast and green it is packed with more armor then the Pope Mobile.

The next option is a 74 Bronco complete with 6 inches of lift, 35 inch mudders, Ford 408 cu in stroker and NV4500 5 speed transmission. Rounding out with a full cage and custom exhaust it is ready to rock on a moments notice. There isn't much that can stop this bronco as I have seen it roll over just about anything.

Next you have a 2002 Suzuki Hayabusa. Lowered 2 inches and stretch 4 inches with a 230 mm rear tire and PM aluminum wheels. Complete with Yosh cams, full titanium exhaust, body kit and painted matte black for stealth. The bike has clocked over 200 mph on the street…not sure I believe the speedometer but it read 200 mph plus. Call Ivy or Chad at Metairie Customs in Louisiana for speed verification.

Hayabusa means "bird of prey" in Japanese and this bike is no exception, especially after shaving 150+ lbs off the factory model.

Rounding out the list is a personal favorite, the Fortune HANEBRINK Electric All-Terrain Vehicle. Comes complete with on-demand hybrid electric system and the latest in bicycle technology. Crank the throttle and the 600-watt motor powers the HANEBRINK to speeds up to 20 mph. The bike is as cool as it looks and rides over anything in it's path. With about one hour of ride time and a three hour charge window this is a must for zombie evading.


If you want to go faster, just start pedaling. Totally silent, totally green and will go anywhere you point it.

I can vouch for HANEBRINK vehicle as I have personally tested it and it is a blast. I hope in the near future you will see you riding one of these in Newport Beach.

When I think of the word “stealth”, two things come to mind. Strider Knives and PSE Compound Bows. I have experience with compound bows and am a sucker for horsepower and big kinetic energy; PSE’s bows shoot upwards of 360 fps and have a stealthy look to them. With 360+ fps you could knock a Cape Buffalo off it's feet, so image what would happen to a zombie...

Striders Knives created the industry standard for cool. I have the pleasure of meeting Mic and company from Strider years ago through my boys and have been lucky to have a few pieces from their vault. I would choose their version of the battle-axe to accompany me on any outing.

However, if I only had one article to stuff into my Kifaru pack when the zombies attacked…it would be my Starlingear Samurai Sword. Handcrafted, razor sharp and well worth the near decade wait...it is my American Express card…I wouldn’t leave home without it.


Posted in Adventure, Aggressive, Cars, Talk to Me Johnnie | Tagged , , , , | 9 Comments

9 Responses to Zombie Preparation Part II

  1. Big Josh

    This is important stuff…I just started “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies”. I’m loving it…

  2. Sunny

    I don’t think you can have enough transportation, better to have several modes available to you. Style point from Zombieland – always have spray paint on hand to post the number of your favorite athlete, racer, etc.

  3. Petr

    So many toys, so little time 🙂

  4. Damn, Bruddah, that souped up lookin Ford on steroids is deadly, I dig the green bike as well, but 20 MPH ain’t gonna cut it when the zombies are chasin!!!!

    See you manana, f**in’ psyched!!


  5. These are some of the most face wreckingly awesome toys ever. The Knight XV is sick and the ’74 Bronco reeks of badass. I was looking at a Bruiser Cruiser by Chubby’s Cruisers, but the Hanebrink is in a different league. I’ve always been partial to Emerson Knives; however, Stryder is a strong choice.

    You can never be too prepared when the sh*t goes down.

  6. The Knight XV is awesome. I guess it is the logical choice for the family SUV since they stopped making Excursions. I would opt for the diesel though, not only because the low end torque would be essential for crawling over mountains of zombie carcasses, but when the zombies come out, I will need to retreat to my family’s compound in Montana and every little farm and ranch between here and there will definitely have a couple diesel tanks so that I can refuel.

    These posts are even more funny considering that I just saw an old Bronco on Saturday with a sticker that read “Zombie Outbreak Response Team” and featured a rifle, machete, & chinese stars. I decided I need one of those.

    Thanks for the thoughts John; not only are they hilarious, they’re intelligent!

  7. Track

    A lot depends on zombie biology; Weapon selection will change If head shots do it, or if they must be completely immobilized/ chopped up ala Dead Space… or standard kill ala 28 days…

    and are these the old-school shambling zombies or newer-style running-rage-filled zombies?

    In any and all cases, you can’t go wrong with the sword, good call.

  8. Ty Fyter

    OMG i think i just found my new favourite blog after reading zombie prep parts i. and ii.!! 🙂
    also read you power athlete’s diet 🙂 good stuff my man!

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